(an original collection of aphorisms, sammerisms, and other miscellaneous nonsense)
If you feel blessed, you are
It’s better to live a rich life than to be a rich man
Hope springs eternal, doesn’t that just piss you off
You can’t talk nuances to a dilettante
You know what they say about blind squirrels, they keep running into shit
If you start seeing the glass half empty it’s time to order another drink
Just remember, when one door closes they might not let you back in
Every cloud has a silver lining, but the glare is giving me a headache
Hopefully by tomorrow today will be over
All’s well that ends
He who hesitates is stoned
shit happens buy a bidet
Retirement is like a speedo, I don’t see it anywhere in my future
What stops you from being happy? Your opinion of what will make you happy
Real men hold grudges
Stress is thinking what you should be doing is more important than what you are doing
Sometimes life is like flying a kite, no strings no flight
I’ve got to get back to what ever it is I wasn’t doing
I’m so damn proud of my humility
Just another day at the zoo
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do
No audience, no drama
I’m not late, I just didn’t get here in time
Every thing is subjective unless I tell you other wise
Nobody remembers second place, unless it’s you
Life is about making mistakes and shame takes the joy out of making them
The less you hurry the more time you have
True humility can not stand up to it’s own scrutiny
Acceptance is the only true cure for frustration, well that and alcohol
The grass maybe greener on the other side but someone still has to mow it
Hope is a gift and must be treated as such
I didn’t forget I just didn’t remember in time
Grace is accepting what happens to you with gratitude
I’d crawl home if I could find my way to my knees
The softer you treat yourself, the more malleable you become
Humility begets gratitude and gratitude begets happiness
The years of your life are like the treads on your tires, they always disappear but nobody knows where the hell they go
Hope is a consideration sprinkled with optimism
I can’t presume to tell you what you said, I can only tell you what I think I heard
There’s more than one way to skin a cat, but you’ve got to catch him first
Criticizing your critical mind is a waste of time
You have to let it be, before you can let it go
I am who I am, not who I think I am
Life’s not a chair of bowlies
Meanness is a weak man’s attempt at strength
You can never truly appreciate your talent until you stop comparing it to others
Life is nothing more than a time sensitive juggling act
You’re not the man I married and you’re never going to change
It’s like seeing Ghandi in the drive through at McDonalds
If Jesus had been raised in my family, he’d still be treading water today
Fashion is nothing more that a manifestation of man’s need for change
Politics turned to shit when it turned into a business
Being a leader is a responsibility, being an artist is a calling
How can I feel so important and be so insignificant
Labels by their nature separate
The answer is a never-ending pursuit of the answer
Sex is weird, no friction no pleasure
In your eagerness to react, you missed the point
I can’t presume to tell you what you said, I can only tell you what I think I heard.
I deserve to be entitled
Just think, when you die you’re going to be gone forever and you don’t even have to pack a bag.
Hope is a consideration sprinkled with optimism
Is it the perception of my reality or the reality of my perception.
Despite all previous evidence to the contrary, I still have hope.
Faith is pressing your bet that what you believe to be true is indeed true.
Out of all the baggage you carry around, your opinion does the most damage
When life gets hard, paint your toes and move on
Eliminate who you aren’t, and there you are
It’s not about the truth, it’s about your attachment to what you perceive to be the truth
Opinions are like ladders, they’re great when you need them but you shouldn’t carry them around with you
I’d like to stay but you gotta go
Cut it down the middle and give me my 60%
I love you for who you are, I put up with your personality
World’s shortest conversation; so then, well now, ok bye