Unfunny Sam’s Book of Snickers

(an original collection of aphorisms, sammerisms, and other miscellaneous nonsense)

If you feel blessed, you are

 

It’s better to live a rich life than to be a rich man

 

Hope springs eternal, doesn’t that just piss you off

 

You can’t talk nuances to a dilettante

 

You know what they say about blind squirrels, they keep running into shit

 

If you start seeing the glass half empty it’s time to order another drink

 

Just remember, when one door closes they might not let you back in

 

Every cloud has a silver lining, but the glare is giving me a headache

 

Hopefully by tomorrow today will be over

 

All’s well that ends

 

He who hesitates is stoned

 

shit happens buy a bidet

 

Retirement is like a speedo, I don’t see it anywhere in my future

 

What stops you from being happy? Your opinion of what will make you happy

 

Real men hold grudges

 

Stress is thinking what you should be doing is more important than what you are doing

 

Sometimes life is like flying a kite, no strings no flight

 

I’ve got to get back to what ever it is I wasn’t doing

 

I’m so damn proud of my humility

 

Just another day at the zoo

 

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do

 

No audience, no drama

 

I’m not late, I just didn’t get here in time

 

Every thing is subjective unless I tell you other wise

 

Nobody remembers second place, unless it’s you

 

Life is about making mistakes and shame takes the joy out of making them

 

The less you hurry the more time you have

 

True humility can not stand up to it’s own scrutiny

 

Acceptance is the only true cure for frustration, well that and alcohol

 

The grass maybe greener on the other side but someone still has to mow it

 

Hope is a gift and must be treated as such

 

I didn’t forget I just didn’t remember in time

 

Grace is accepting what happens to you with gratitude

 

I’d crawl home if I could find my way to my knees

 

The softer you treat yourself, the more malleable you become

 

Humility begets gratitude and gratitude begets happiness

 

The years of your life are like the treads on your tires, they always disappear but nobody knows where the hell they go

 

Hope is a consideration sprinkled with optimism

 

I can’t presume to tell you what you said, I can only tell you what I think I heard

 

There’s more than one way to skin a cat, but you’ve got to catch him first

 

Criticizing your critical mind is a waste of time

 

You have to let it be, before you can let it go

 

I am who I am, not who I think I am

 

Life’s not a chair of bowlies

 

Meanness is a weak man’s attempt at strength

 

You can never truly appreciate your talent until you stop comparing it to others

 

Life is nothing more than a time sensitive juggling act

 

You’re not the man I married and you’re never going to change

 

It’s like seeing Ghandi in the drive through at McDonalds

 

If Jesus had been raised in my family, he’d still be treading water today

 

Fashion is nothing more that a manifestation of man’s need for change

 

Politics turned to shit when it turned into a business

 

Being a leader is a responsibility, being an artist is a calling

 

How can I feel so important and be so insignificant

 

Labels by their nature separate

 

The answer is a never-ending pursuit of the answer

 

Sex is weird, no friction no pleasure

 

In your eagerness to react, you missed the point

 

I can’t presume to tell you what you said, I can only tell you what I think I heard.

 

I deserve to be entitled

 

Just think, when you die you’re going to be gone forever and you don’t even have to pack a bag.

 

Hope is a consideration sprinkled with optimism

 

Is it the perception of my reality or the reality of my perception.

 

Despite all previous evidence to the contrary, I still have hope.

 

Faith is pressing your bet that what you believe to be true is indeed true.

 

Out of all the baggage you carry around, your opinion does the most damage

 

When life gets hard, paint your toes and move on

 

Eliminate who you aren’t, and there you are

 

It’s not about the truth, it’s about your attachment to what you perceive to be the truth

 

Opinions are like ladders, they’re great when you need them but you shouldn’t carry them around with you

 

I’d like to stay but you gotta go

 

Cut it down the middle and give me my 60%

 

I love you for who you are, I put up with your personality

 

World’s shortest conversation; so then, well now, ok bye

CONTACT SAM